Things Nobody Ever Told Me About Being a Mom

"Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories."

~John Wilmot

This year marks my 13th as a mom ... and like all moms, I'm muddling my way through, learning as I go. I've read what I can in books, magazines and online forums. I've talked to other moms, teachers and friends. Whether it's ear infections, diaper rashes, preschool, bullies on the playground, soccer tryouts, kids using cell phones, or dealing with adolescent attitudes, we compare notes, share triumphs and lament the challenges.

But there are some things that just come -- no rehearsals, no preparation. Some hit you head-on; others touch you softly like a butterfly kiss.

Some things nobody ever told me about being a Mom:

• That I'd end up eating my morning bowl of cereal while standing and making school lunches instead of sitting down and eating.
• How eerily quiet the house is when they're all at school.
• That sitting in a dentist chair for an hour feels like a break.
• That wearing a floral sundress, striped tights, and princess tennis shoes could make a little girl so happy.
• That I'd watch (or hear) Cars, Pirates of the Caribbean and Star Wars movies for months at a time.
• That I'd have so much fun watching soccer games on weekends.
• That I'd get competitive about playing tetherball against an 8-year-old.
• That' I'd love it so much when I beat my husband and kids at Wii bowling.
• That staying tough and not giving in is sometimes so difficult.
• That knowing when to pick your battles is an art form, requiring practice and deliberation.
• How having a child stay home sick can really throw you off schedule.
• That putting a little girls' hair in a ballerina bun for dance class could be so difficult, but wow, isn't she so cute?
  
• That I could be SO relieved on the rare nights my 3rd grader doesn't have homework.
• That my heart would warm when, watching my 8-year-old play soccer, he'd make a great play, look over to see if I'm looking and then give me a great big smile.
• How happy I'd feel when I'm at a restaurant and my 4-year-old says, "I want to sit by Mommy."
• That I could be SO happy about not buying and changing diapers anymore.
  
• How relieved I'd feel after my child, who had struggled with reading and writing, finally is caught up with all our hard work.
• That even though four kids is definitely, positively IT for us, I still get those little yearnings when I see a pudgy-faced, smiling baby.
• That I'd never get tired of crayon drawings and watercolors of flowers, hearts and butterflies.

Though His 7-Year-Old Eyes

That's me, as crafted by Nicky.

I have to admit -- when Christmas and Mother's Day roll around, my very favorite gifts are the ones the kids make at school.

The ornaments with a photo glued onto a round frozen juice lid, adorned in beads or colored macaroni -- I love it. The baby food jar with the tissue paper pieces glued on and a tealight candle plopped inside -- I'm all over it. The handmade cards and pictures ... I eat it all up. And I know lots of other moms do, too. In fact each year on my parents' Christmas tree, I search and always find it: the cute angel ornament crafted out of a pink paper plate and adorned with glitter and felt that I made in kindergarden. So this Mother's Day Nicky, in all of his 2nd-grade glory, presented me with an essay. These are always fun, too. I remember when the boys were in kindergarden, they created a story where they filled in the blanks, which were facts about mom. It was always hilarious to read these -- kind of Mom Mad Libs. Like Mom weighs 20 pounds and while I'm at school Mom's favorite things to do are go skydiving and fold laundry. Anyway, it's always good to know how your 7-year-old sees you. Here goes:
My mom is as pretty as a butterfly (I have a sneaking suspicion that the three other kids in his group might have said something similar. Reminds me of the time that Nick came home and I asked him how he did on his spelling test. "Good. I think I got them all right because I wrote down the two hardest words on my leg underneath my shorts," he told me matter-of-factly. A discussion about cheating immediately followed, but I still smile every time I think about how easily his confession spilled forth.)
My mom has gold and silver hair (blond highlights and an increasing number of grey roots ... sigh)
She is rich (Brett said it's because Nick sees me spending all the money :)).
She likes to wear running clothes. (I don't know if like is the correct word, but most mornings I put on my running clothes because that's what I do after he and Blake leave for school).
My mom makes sure we do our chores (I finally got wise to the chores game. They had been doing close to nothing until a couple months ago when they started dusting vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms. Who needs a housecleaner when you have kids who want allowance?)
I think she's the best at cooking. My mom makes good tacos (I'm a master when it comes to sloppy joes, spaghetti and hamburgers, too. If I cooked more chicken a la king, shrimp stir-fry, and other adult fare more often, I'm confident I'd lose my "best at cooking" title.)
My mom likes to go on cruises (never been on one in my life).
For fun my mom likes to play games (the most popular "How many times do I have to ask my child to make his bed and brush his teeth before it actually gets done?" game and "How do we get two kids to soccer practice, eat dinner, do homework and give baths" challenge).
My mom has a pretty smile (he's so sweet sometimes).
I make her smile by me smiling without my two top teeth. (This is true -- he's so darn cute with those two missing front teeth).
My mom is smart. She even knows what 1,000 times 1,000 is. (It's true, I was a math wiz as a kid ... but I went into writing).
My mom is special because she is good at running (gosh, what if I hadn't taken up running -- my mom is special because she is good at folding clothes???)
I love her 100 percent (the best gift of all).

Mother's Day 2008
I love you, Nicky!

Top 10 Things I Hear When I'm With the Twins

If there's one thing I've learned since Zach and Allie were born 3 1/2 years ago, it's that people are fascinated with twins. And who can blame them? I've always thought they were interesting, too. While it doesn't happen as much now that they're older and are often running in opposite directions when we're somewhere like the park or library, I've been frequently peppered with questions and comments over the years.

Here are some of the most common:

1. "Oh, a boy and a girl. How perfect. You got it all done at once." I hear this a lot. Obviously it's during the day while Blake and Nick are at school. Oftentimes I'll tell the unassuming comment-maker, "Actually I have two older boys." Usually eyes will grow wide open and a "Wow!" or "You've got your hands full" will spill forth.
2. "Are they twins?" Yep. "Oh, they look so much alike." Really?? I still don't think so. Similar, I guess, but just like any brother and sister.
   
3. "Do twins run in your family?" Surprisingly, a lot of people ask me this. I guess the reason I say it surprises me is that nowadays most twins are the result of infertility treatments (not in our case). Maybe that's only common knowledge to us living in the multiples world. Regardless, my latest answer to the question is "They do now."
4. "Were they a surprise?" Yep!
   
5. "Who was born first?" People want to know this ... and quite frequently. For the record, Zach was born at 10:25 a.m. and Allie at 10:39 a.m. (I think that's right). If you know their personalities, you'd think that in-charge Allie would have been born first. But as I think about it more, it does reflect their personalities. Zach is so protective of Allie that he wanted to go out into the world and check things out before he gave her the "OK" to make her appearance.
6. From other moms of twins. "I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it doesn't." Oh ... thanks for the encouragement. Unfortunately, I'm realizing this as each year passes. But isn't this the case with raising any child ... not just twins? The temper tantrums end and the back-talking begins. A few years after toilet training frustrations are at the forefront, the discussion over how far away from home they can ride their bike takes center stage. Getting your pre-schooler to eat his (or her) dinner is soon replaced with getting them to do their homework. The list goes on ... with twins it's double the drama.
   
7. "Oh, you're so lucky. I've always wanted twins." Yes, we are very lucky, fortunate, blessed to have Zach and Allie (and Blake and Nicky). But honestly, raising two children who are different ages is easier than raising two the same age, in my opinion. If nothing else, it's really hard to find one-on-one time with each (especially when you have two other children, too).
   
8. "Are they identical?" No, boy/girl twins are fraternal.
   
9. "They're so cute." Yep. But, just like any other child, sometimes they're not. You should have seen Allie when she poured bright blue craft paint all over her beige carpet -- adorable! Or when we're at the grocery store and they fight over who gets to hold the box of Life cereal. Charming.
   
10. "Are they best friends?" Yes, and much more. One of the most special things about having twins is watching their special bond grow. 80 percent of the time they get along great. They're very protective of each other and if the other isn't in sight, they always ask "Where's Zachy?" or "Where's Allie?" Sometimes they get into nasty fights, usually battling for a toy or who gets to do something -- normal sibling stuff. But sometimes they remind me of an old married couple, who bicker about the little things. "Allie, don't push the car that way, do it this way." And, for better or worse, they feed off of each other. If one has a laughing fit, the other starts and it just gets crazier from there. Or it could be a tantrum ... or running around the house ... or wanting to help me cook. Everything is times two (and sometimes times four) around here.
    

"There are two things in life for which
we are never truly prepared: Twins."
~ Humorist Josh Billings